Left Here Waiting

"Life was always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act"

 -Paulo Coelho

I'm always fed up of waiting.  I'm feeling anxious because of that irritating feeling whenever you're waiting. Waiting for people and for buses, it's just the same. I mean, that feeling that surges in your head and flows to your body leaving uneasiness in your nerves. I felt it. I made this post just to let go some of that feeling I've experienced this past two days. Maybe you'll be having difficulty knowing or understanding what I'm felt but as you read this post, probably you might feel the same way too, or maybe just a little bit.

The first morning was terrible. Actually, it's horrible. My mind was peaceful in that morning. There is no Communication II class for the writing break. That just mean that my next class is Math 73 and it's scheduled  at 10:00am. You're might be thinking that it's not late nor early. And yes, it's just right. I've experienced coming in class at 10:00am. This means I have to wait beneath Tabang bridge as early as 8:30-9:00. With this routine, I always come to class at the exact time if I do this. The good news was there are just plenty of people also waiting for the bus. I may easily take the ride. But it was beyond my expectation. I'm fed up waiting for the bus. As the clock ticked, the feeling gets worse. I mean, I've been 10 minutes waiting for a bus. It should be a bus with the signboard "Cubao" indicating it will pass Balintawak station. The only buses passing beneath Tabang bridge were First North Luzon Transit and Baliwag Transit Inc. As time passed by, more and more people gathered there waiting for the same bus. Almost all of them were waiting for the same bus I'm waiting for. More competitors equal less chance of getting the desired ride.

Thirty minutes passed, there were no signs of the desired bus. There were buses passing by but there were not what I need or rather what we need. Another ten minutes ticked. At this moment, I'm now very afraid to look at the clock. Still, I knew I'm late. Not just late but very late. Feeling arose. I felt very irritated that the half of my brain tells me to give up, go home, take a rest and not to come class. I can't explain the feeling. It seems weird but honestly,I want to hit all people beside my just to release the anger. The feeling of waiting for about an hour tends to eat up my consciousness. It seems to be a dream. Reality and Illusion are combining in my head. I'm thinking about transforming into one of Ben10's alien, the one which can run at extreme speed. There goes the illusion of having powers like Son Goku who can teleport anywhere, anytime and checking my pockets if I have Doraemon's Dokodemo Door. What I want that moment is to get out of that place. I'm already late. I just need to be there on class before the session ends. But waiting for the bus to pass by seems to be forever. Literally.

After several minutes of waiting, approximately 1 hour, a bus arrived. Now, my goal is to get in no matter how many passengers could still fit inside or how many competitors will I have to pass through. I guess, in that scenario, John Stuart Mill is right. I just imagined myself turning into a beast in that moment just to scare off people so I can go in. But that never happened, still I got a place inside, luckily...

Next morning, I mean this morning at the time I'm typing this one, it's almost the same scenario. I waited for so long for the bus. I don't know why there are just few of them. I just don't know why. By the way, it's earlier than yesterday. I have to be at class around 8:00am.

This time, I got into the bus just few minutes less than what I had yesterday. I just thought that I will lose oxygen for I can't breathe normally. "Kulang na lang magkahalikan kayo." It's a euphemism in Tagalog. Another problem is that there is a traffic at Balintawak Toll Plaza. It seems that I wasted too much time because of the traffic. It's like double the time of the whole trip. Again, there was that feeling...

Embarrassment rose when I arrived late for my NSTP. I can't see my colleagues in the Little Theater. I checked some rooms, but I can't find any sign of them. It was about 9:30am when I arrived. I just found out that the class is done. They just had a meeting. Again, there was this feeling. I left UP Manila heads down.

Just to make my travel worthy, I decided to have a meetup with some of my friends in Malolos. They have thri vacant around lunchtime. Still, I have to wait for them in the meeting place because I arrived as early as 11:30am in the meeting place. I waited until I'm fed up. I guess this day is not as lucky as the others.

It's not mainly because of me. I can say that waiting cannot be done forever. I mean, for me. For about just an hour, I become irritated, confused. I can also claim that those buses may have responsibility for the reason why I'm late. Or maybe none at all. At the end of the day, I may refer to myself as impatient. I can't wait for buses for too long. My patience will eventually end. I can't wait for someone forever. There will come a time that after waiting too much under that shade, I will depart from where I stand.